LEARNIN'

Every Monday morning, my alarm goes off at 6:45 (this morning was especially painful because of daylight savings time starting yesterday). In the past three months, my first class has shown up twice. TWICE. Two times in three months. Impressive record, no? Every week I go to my classroom, I sit with the lesson I have prepared, and I wait. The students never show up. So each week I wake up at 6:45 and on a good week, my first class starts at 1:30, other weeks it's not until 2:30. I can't really complain. This Monday "second job" is what pays my rent. Since Christmas, there has been one Monday when I worked a full day. And recently, I have worked three hours, tops. Last week, I worked two hours. The week before that I worked two. The week before that I worked ONE hour. Being notified that the classes are cancelled would be nice. But that one hour that I work each week is worth about 85-100 €. So again, I can't complain. The only other way I could earn that much an hour would be to become a drug dealer or a lady of the night. I prefer to stick with forcing spoiled teenagers to copy lines such as "Laura is here to help us. She is not our babysitter." and "Yes, it is warm outside. No, we cannot have class in the courtyard" Every week, I think, the kids will show up this time. And each week, they do not. I have one more Monday left at Tivoli. It has taken me several months, but I am learning. I don't think I am going waste my time planning lessons for my first 3 classes that day.

On April 29th, it will be two years since I received the email with this on the subject line "Félicitations/Congratulations ! - French Teaching Assistantship Program 2008 - 2009" Has Bordeaux really been a part of my life for 23 months? Has it really been over 18 months since I got off the train at Gare St. Jean, set off searching alone for the hostel in a city I'd never been, in a country where I barely spoke the language, where I knew no one, carrying everything that would fit into two suitcases, and wondering "What have I gotten myself into?" It doesn't seem possible, and at the same time, it seems like I have lived here my whole life. The thought of leaving makes my stomach hurt, but I know that it is time for a change. I've always known Bordeaux was temporary.

I spent most of the summer of 2008 trying to figure out how I could get out of coming to France. Leaving terrified me more than I can possibly ever explain. But my life was as follows- I lived with my parents, so I didn't have to worry about breaking an apartment lease or finding a subleaser. I worked in a restaurant. So I didn't have to worry about leaving somewhere with a lot of potential or that gave me a lot of job satisfaction. I was single. The closest thing I had to kids were my two cats (who I love dearly, but let's be real, cats love whoever feeds them). Thankfully, I had no excuse to stay because coming here has been the best desicion I have ever made. I can't imagine where I'd be had I chickened out. And honestly, right now, there is nowhere else I'd rather be.

Two months from now I will be in Seoul. A feeling I recognize all too well has returned, the feeling of what have I done and how can I get out of it? But, I have learned so much the past two years. I've learned time passes SO quickly. I've learned to take advantage of the opportunities I am given. I've learned to appreciate wine. I've learned that going somewhere alone is beyond scary, but the strangers become friends, and then those friends become family. I've learned to yell at kids. I've learned to say no. I've learned that I can do things. I have learned self confidence.
I'm sure I'll cry when I leave for Korea (sorry, Dad, I can't help it). And Korea might suck. But at least I'll know. Years from now, I will not be wondering what would have happened if I had taken the job in Korea. And what is waiting for me at home? What excuse do I have for not going? My boss from the restaurant is a lovely person and has always welcomed me back, but as far as professional jobs, there are none. I am careerless, carless, single, apartmentless, furnitureless, and dollarless. And with that, I am going to go listen to some Korean for beginers podcasts. 모두들 기쁜 월요일 That is from Google translator, I don't know a word of Korean :-)